Opinion - Heidi Rounds

Okay… I know this sooo last month, but I just had a chance to write about it. Google Arts & Culture App now has “Search Your Selfie” where you take a selfie and they will match you up with artwork of old masters that look similar to you. For the purpose of this post and curiosity, I downloaded the app and you can see my match in the sample below.

PROMISE?! This is the best they could do? God love this woman, but am I really that ugly? I felt like I looked pretty good this morning. That good feeling has very quickly fizzled away and I have been left only seeing my sad, saggy eyes and ever sinking jowls. Does this portrait capture my essence? My God, I hope not.

After wiping away a few tears I mustered the strength to continue this post and carry on. I’m okay. Thank you.

Some genius out there thought that it would be a good way for our younger generation to connect with artwork and get “cultured” by starting with a selfie? As a parent of ever aging children, I am constantly growing more and more concerned about how much our kids are learning about how to value themselves based on their looks. I’m a 40-something, confident woman who is only a little hurt by this comparison. What would a 13-14 year old girl think of themselves after some God awful comparison made by a computer program? I remember being 14 years old and being crushed at the slightest thing. I wanted to be loved by everyone. I wanted to feel pretty in my 5″ 10′ body with zits covering my face and greasy hair.

Will this app do anything except destroy the little self-esteem we have left? I’m all about Art History. All in for culture. Let’s get more educated. Let’s get our kids interested in art, but my God, does it have to start with a fucking selfie? Aren’t our expectations as a society just becoming more and more self-absorbed? Should I expect that my 13 year old daughter won’t be totally into herself for her entire life? Selfies, selfies, selfies… I can’t take it anymore. Turn your fucking phones off! Go to a museum. Look around. Smell the galleries. Get close to the art. Stop and actually get a good look. I promise you will be moved by something. Let’s not compare ourselves to artwork. Let’s instead teach our children that they are gorgeous with whatever “flaws” they believe they were given.

The Google Arts & Culture app is otherwise amazing and worth the download. Would I have written a more positive blog about the selfie feature if it had likened me to a classic portrait of a beautiful woman? Maybe, but I hope not.

I recently heard a story about Pablo Picasso that has me thinking. The story goes that Picasso, in his eighties at the time, was drinking at a bar in Paris when a woman recognized him and asked if he would sketch something for her on a napkin. He obliged and did a quick sketch (perhaps similar to the one shown below). She was very excited but instead of him handing it back when he was done, he apparently tried to charge her a couple thousand dollars. When she objected and said it only took a moment to sketch, he replied “No, it took me forty years.”

What!? Okay, okay, I get it. He’s world famous. Everyone thinks he’s the shiz. He spent decades mastering his craft. He wouldn’t be where he was in his career without those forty years of work and practice. But really? Could he sound like a bigger dick? Speaking of dick, one of Picasso’s most famous works depicts a woman with a dick on her face. Seriously! A dick on her face. See below.

Now, you may feel that I don’t have a right to talk shit about a “Master Painter”. I probably don’t. Since I can remember, I was told that Picasso was a genius. He broke the boundaries. You can’t go through an Art History or Art Appreciation class without getting more than your fill of all things Picasso. I have yet to be convinced. I tried. I really did.

I relate this same feeling to being a little girl and my mom serving me liver and onions. I would cry and say I didn’t like it and refuse to eat it. She would tell me that if I put ketchup on it, I would never know that it was liver and it would taste good. Now I’m telling you, ketchup or no ketchup. It tasted like shit. You get where I’m going with this…

Picasso was a master. He put ketchup on the world of shitty art and made it taste good to his audience. Kudos to him. However, I can’t bear the thought that he was so conceited to try to charge a woman in a bar an exorbitant amount of money for something so simple. Yes, yes. She probably would have turned around and sold it for a large profit and Picasso was no fool. He would have been aware of this. So, if this story is true, why not just say “no” to this poor woman. Did you want to get her hopes up only to make a fool of her? I have made up my mind.

Pablo Picasso was an asshole.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this matter, but please don’t try to convince me otherwise.

Thank you.

Category: Opinion

Google Will Hook You Up With Your Classical Art Doppelganger? Goody!

Pablo Picasso – Genius or Arrogant Asshole?